After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am one with the molecules
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
