Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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