If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
