I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
