8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
