I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
