We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
