): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
