Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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