I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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