Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
