I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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