So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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