I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
