I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
