So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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