i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
