it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
