Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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