i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
