Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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