why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
