He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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