I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
my god I love twenty year old dicks
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
