Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
