is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
