If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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