why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
