We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
