You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
As shirtless as possible
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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