I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
