some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
