I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
