Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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