when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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