So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
