Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
