Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
