Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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