Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
