Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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