My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
