I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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