let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
