I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My cat gives me a boner
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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