He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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