Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
