I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
