Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
