Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
