did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
