His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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