my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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