Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
