On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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