I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
