I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
