We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
