who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize