i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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