you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
