This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
