I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Drunk is a universal language darling
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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