Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
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