Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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