He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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