Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
