The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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