i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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