I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
