She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize