I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
