and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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