bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
