Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
