Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
