I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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