He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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