Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
