it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize