i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
