I wannas sexs uuuuu
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize