You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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