i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
