her facebook's as public as her vagina
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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