Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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