there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
