I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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