You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
