I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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