honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
