Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
