I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize