My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
