i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
