if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
