I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Panties = found
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
