he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
