Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
