I'm really into asian looking animals
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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