someone owes me an orgasm
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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