You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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