apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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