so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
