We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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