I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
