All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize