He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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